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... since it's all I'm actually good at. ^^;

I'm sorry again, my dear :icon24getmenot:. Our meeting may not happen until my departure, though I'm trying my best to avoid going without meeting you. :worry:


On other news: My uncle gave me a new camera. Not just a new camera, a f***ing Canon EOS D550 (Rebel T2i)! :ohnoes:
I understand it was a late birthday present, but... Why the Hell would he do that?! I don't even like cameras!
What should I do with it?
Damn...
__________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, to give this entry anything vaguely interesting, a song.
This one is specially for miss Akemi. It reminds me of you. ;P

"Hummingbird" - Aqualung. (No video, unfortunately. But you can still hear the track.)

"Such a tiny spark, little tiny spark,
But a spark it could catch
And could grow and could burn
This whole place, to the ground.

Such a little voice, little tiny voice,
Still it's easy to hear
How it someday could
Fill a whole world, with sound.

But you hardly breath,
'Cause you move so fast,
Never looking back,
Never looking back.

Oh, do you know where you're going?
Do you know where your head is?
Where your sweet crooked smile is taking you?
Hummingbird.

Oh, she won't be denied, she won't be denied.
Oh, she won't be denied, she won't be denied.

There's a world out there, and it's unaware,
Of the world that is coming,
But soon you will have
This whole place, in a spin.

See it's in her eyes, in those worldly eyes,
She's a wonder of nature,
A wonderful creature,
So certain is she.

Oh, do you know where you're going,
On this journey your making?
What your too tiny face are fighting for?

Ah, like a little hummingbird, hovering innocently,
And flying in through my window, and taking over.
(Taking over.)

Ah, she won't be denied, she won't be denied.
She won't be denied, she will not be denied.

Ah, do you know where you're going?"

__________________________________________________________________________

That's all, folks.
  • Listening to: Hummingbird - Aqualung.
  • Reading: The Wise Man's Fear, by Patrick Rothfuss.
  • Drinking: water.
So, let's start this with an apology. I've been absent for the past four days, unable to get online.

The truth is, the day after my last entry, while I was online, I felt a hugely strong migraine, so powerful that I just couldn't think. It got worse as I strained to keep myself online in an attempt to finish what I was doing, then my body seemed to finally give in. I fainted in front of the computer, my forehead hitting the desk loudly. Simple as that.
By the time I woke up, already at a hospital, I couldn't move, or even feel the whole of my left side. I panicked, but a nurse calmed me down and explained where I was, and what happened. I was unable to concentrate, not even enough to answer what day it was.
According to the doctor, I've had a stroke. Yes, I am 25, and I've had a stroke. Well, actually it was something called reversible ischemic neurologic deficit, which is something like a "mini stroke" that lasts longer than a day. Thanks to my previous cancer, I was well aware of that possibility, and even the possibility of a real stroke, sometime soon. I should be actually pretty OK with that right now.
But I wasn't OK. I was in fact terrified. Oddly, even though I've actually considered suicide quite a few times last week, and even attempted once, the thought of dying like that made me panic. I was going to miss so much...

But that's so silly, isn't it?

Anyway, I'm right now at my aunt's house, since it's closer to the Hospital and there's people around. I'm still feeling weak, a little dizzy, and I shouldn't in fact be using a computer right now. But I am far too stubborn for that.

The funny part was "skipping" my own birthday because of that. I should do this more often. ;P
Which reminds me: I'm sorry, my dearest :icon24getmenot:. I'll make it up to you, if you want.

Well, that's about it. Honestly, I'm still a little shaken about it, but I guess that's natural.
__________________________________________________________________________

Now, a song, just to lighten up the mood.

"White Blank Page" - Mumford & Sons. (<<<<< Click for video)

"Can you lie next to her
And give her your heart, your heart
As well as your body?

And can you lie next to her
And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly?

And can you kneel before the King
And say I'm clean, I'm clean?

But tell me now, where was my fault?
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh, tell me now, where was my fault?
In loving you with my whole heart

A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink
You desired my attention
But denied my affections, my affections

So tell me now, where was my fault?
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh, tell me now, where was my fault?
In loving you with my whole heart

Lead me to the truth and I
Will follow you with my whole life
Oh, lead me to the truth and I
Will follow you with my whole life"

__________________________________________________________________________

I should probably sleep now, then. It's 5 am.
I never learn. ^^;
  • Listening to: White Blank Page - Mumford &amp; Sons.
  • Reading: The Wise Man's Fear, by Patrick Rothfuss.
  • Drinking: water.
So, I was tagged by :iconkaizer-cos:
And, since I'm bored, here it goes.

The Rules: (of course...)

X You must post these rules.
X Each tagged person must post 10 things about themselves on their journal.
X You have to choose and tag 10 people and post their icons on the same journal.
X Go to their pages and tell them you tagged them.


1. I love giving gifts, but I get extremely uncomfortable when receiving any.
2. I don't really have "money problems", but I hate being payed by anything I do, or being payed at all. (Yes, I know it's weird.)
3. I've had two near-death experiences. Not once I've seen the "tunnel of light" people claim to see.
4. One time I dreamed I was sleeping behind the wheel of my car. I woke up just in time to hit the breaks and prevent me from crashing.
5. Well, since I haven't find a better way to describe this: I'm "girlier" than most of my female friends.
Or, in the words of an ex-girlfriend of mine, I'm "the closest a straight man can get from being gay." ;P
6. And, honestly, I'm proud of that. It's one of the few things I would never change about myself.
7. I've learned to do professional make-up, theatrical make-up and prosthetic make-up out of sheer curiosity.
8. I say "honestly", "sincerely" and other similar expressions far too much. ^^;
9. I can't dance, even to save my own life.
10. I'm not really that interesting. ^^;


I tag: :iconoxidizing-angel:, :iconh3llana-mod:, :icon24getmenot:, :iconlordvomitface:, :iconnads-designs:, :iconshinigami-chiteki:,  :icontea-is-better:, :iconmi-anju:, :iconmahafsoun: and :iconevomachine:
______________________________________________________________________

I've had an interesting experience yesterday. I was searching for something, I don't even remember what exactly, and I heard the intro from a song I had never heard before. It was so beautiful I started listening repeatedly to memorize it.
Then, the weirdest thing happens: I "remember" the lyrics from it, somehow. Even though the song was unknown, and even though it's Japanese, the lyrics simply burst from my memory as if it had always been there. It gave me a faint headache, but at least I managed to find the song itself by searching for the name I remembered. It's now looping on my mind, and I simply can't get it off.
Therefore, I shall make you all addicted as well:
"Pride ~nageki no tabi", by AKINO. I'd post the lyrics, but what would be the point, right? ;P
The weirdest part? I'm not even that into Japanese music. ^^;
  • Listening to: &quot;Pride ~nageki no tabi&quot; - AKINO
  • Reading: The Wise Man's Fear, by Patrick Rothfuss.
  • Drinking: water.
Really, why was I so surprised after all? That's what happens when people allow love to come closer: They fall.
The fall itself makes you feel light, invincible, almost like flying. You feel it's all going to work out.
But, after every fall there's the inevitably hard ground, and the inescapable landing. This flight ends, always, with some damage.
No love ends painlessly...

Oh, well. No surprises here, then.

Poets Of The Fall: "Can You Hear Me?"

"Hiding deep within, doors cry opening
Lead into the light of love deep like the sea
Rich in variety, heartfelt and open wide like a life, unique, yet so alike.

Can you hear me? I know I'm just a whisper.
Can you hear me, brother mine, sweet sister?
Love will find an answer.

You flow inside of me, language and imagery, pure in simplicity
Thirsting for unity, realized harmony,
No need to hide away your life, unique, yet so alike.

Can you hear me? I know I'm just a whisper.
Can you hear me, brother mine, sweet sister?
Love will find an answer.

There's yet life in these words I speak for peace of mind and our release.
And you can have what you want if you want it like you need to breathe.
Embrace reality.

(Can you hear me?)

Can you hear me? I know I'm just a whisper.
Send life through me, brother mine, sweet sister.
Love will find an answer."
  • Listening to: &quot;Can You Hear Me?&quot; - Poets Of Ther Fall.
  • Reading: &quot;Monalisa Overdrive&quot;, by William Gibson.
  • Eating: more than I should be.
  • Drinking: more than I should be.
Tag stolen from :iconoxidizing-angel:, as usual. ;P

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Rafael.
2. Paradox.
3. "Rafa" (Only a handful of people call me that way. I hate it).

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD:
1. Angel from Hell (I was fourteen, not really that good with English, and wasn't really creative :XD:).
2. Sekhtmhörinm (Don't even bother to know how that is pronounced).
3. WhoAmITryingToFool.

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
1. Stole a Tag.
2. Answered it.
3. Had to start over thanks to some stupidity. ^^;

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyes.
2. My ability to channel other people's feelings.
3. My nearly infinite capacity for sarcasm.

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. The rest of my body. lol
2. How fast I drive people away.
3. The way I lose control over rage.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGINS:
1. Spanish.
2. Italian.
3. Portuguese.

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
1. Failure.
2. Crowds.
3. Touch.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Black pants.
2. Plain blue t-shirt.
3. Black framed glasses.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Water.
2. Music.
3. Internet.

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS:
1. My silver ankh.
2. The rings I made back then...
3. Glasses.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. Breaking Benjamin.
2. Poets Of The Fall.
3. Kings Of Convenience.

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. Live.
2. Love.
3. Enjoy. ;P

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. "Briciole" - Malika Ayane.
2. "Failure" - Kings Of Convenience.
3. "Dreaming Wide Awake" - Poets Of The Fall.

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Running.
2. Getting back to playing the violin like before.
3. Submitting something here.

THREE THINGS YOU REGRET:
1. Knowing what was happening and letting it happen anyway.
2. Allowing myself to trust.
3. Taking far too long to reach a decision.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love.
2. Comprehension.
3. Company.

THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO THE WORLD:
1. A book series.
2. A bad example.
3. Music.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in order):
1. I used to be a swimming champion.
2. I am illogically logical, sometimes.
3. I've got it all figured out.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Expressive eyes.
2. Long, well-cared hair.
3. Lips. I love lips, oddly.

THREE EMOTIONAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Good sense of humor.
2. Complexity.
3. Care.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Dance :XD:.
2. Sleep before the sunrise (if any at all).
3. Stop.

THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
1. Being able to shut down my emotions.
2. Traveling without paying.
3. Being able to relax.

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
1. I
2. Don't
3. Know.

THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE:
1. Family.
2. "Childhood".
3. Love.

THREE OF YOU YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Cooking.
2. Music.
3. Writing.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Chocolate.
2. Snow instead of hellish heat.
3. A reason to laugh.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Chef/pâtissier/chocolatier.
2. Novelist.
3. Songwriter/composer.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY:
1. Iceland
2. Ireland
3. Italy.

THREE CARTOON CHARACTERS:
1. GIR :XD:
2. Daggett.
3. Well... And Asajj Ventress! lol

THREE BOY'S NAMES:
1. Adrian.
2. Leon.
3. Raziel.

THREE GIRL'S NAMES:
1. Letizia
2. Eliane.
3. Isabella.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Live.
2. ?????
3. PROFIT.
_________________________________________________________

Well, I shall never, ever doubt my band again.
A few days ago we got together once more, although I couldn't really sing thanks to my sore throat. We went out for lunch and started talking about our projects and the future of it all, and then I finally told everybody about leaving the band, for several reasons. Mostly because I'll be six years away, anyway.
So yesterday we met yet again. This time they decided to go straight to Nessa's house, telling me that her mother was making lunch. I accepted, and we all went there. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, played videogames for quite some time, and I showed them what I could already do (standing up without help and almost giving a step forward. Sound simple, but it's not). It was fun.
Then, after a while, we decided to get back to music. And they decided to show me what they could do...
Without letting me know it, the band started rehearsing a cover of Depeche Mode's "Enjoy The Silence". We've played it for fun, once, and I created a different arrange for it. And somehow they managed to pick that same arrange, recreate it and improve it to perfection. It was longer, yes, but worth every second. I was stunned, speechless. And got even more so, after hearing Nessa's speech.
She told me the song was meant as kind of a gift to me, a "tribute" of some sort. She said the reasons, the time and difficulty it took to get the music perfect and to actually surprise me with it. I honestly was so moved by it all that I don't really remember if I cried or not. It was quite... Surreal, actually.
She ended the speech thanking me. "For what?", I asked, quite dizzily.
"For being you", she replied, and hugged me. After an awkward group-hug (wheelchairs weren't made for that), we resumed the usual research. I was still beside myself (in a very good way). After a few hours, it was time to go home. I was already calmer, but the song was stuck in my head: As soon as I got home I dug out my violin and started playing it.

I can't even comprehend that fully, but I'm even happier than I was last Journal. :dance:
  • Listening to: &quot;Enjoy The Silence&quot; - Depeche Mode
  • Eating: more than I should be.
  • Drinking: more than I should be.
It's so odd to finally be able to really say I haven't felt this good in ages.


But I haven't felt like this in ages.

=EDIT=

Since I promised I would, here is why I'm this happy:
I'm finally able to walk again! Though I still need a walker to aid me, my leg are finally regaining their capacity of holding my own weight upright, and I even managed to get a three steps forward. That sounds like little, but it's actually huge!
I have still a long way to go, but I do believe that pretty soon I'll be able to walk on my own. And it's all thanks to my friends, who kept pushing me forward and giving me strength. Thanks, everyone. Specially H3llana-mod and Oxidizing-Angel. I could never do it without you. Which brings me to other news.
I am in love.
Love like I never though I would feel again. Love like I've only dreamed of. Love so strong and powerful it scared me, made me afraid to accept it, made me curse that feeling and hide it.
Bad choice.
She moved away, far away from where I live. In my hesitation, I lost my chance. The feeling that I was losing my last chance hit me even before she left, while we were at the airport. I walked with her for a while, unable to speak what I really wanted. Then, as we're saying our farewell, she leans forward. The sweet scent of her long dark hair envelops me, covering our faces a little bit. She touches my left cheek and kisses my lips ever so softly, just a taste of what could be. She them moves her mouth towards my ear and whispers three words. Three words which change everything. Three words I couldn't say for fear, though now I don't even remember what I was really afraid of.
I love you.
She gives a quick smile and walks away, towards the gate. My heart was racing, but I couldn't let it show. With a deep breath and my old emotionless face a little "corrupted" by a faint smile, I began my long way back to the car.
As soon as she got online I asked her about what she meant. She simply answered: "I meant I love you".
Then, of course, I almost screw it all, again. My lack of self-esteem worked against me. I just couldn't believe it, not this easily.
But, to my surprise, she took her time. She patiently showed that she really loves me, slowly working to convince me that what she feels is real, and can't change. We spoke for hours, through many days. She'll be a great therapist someday.
Took me a while to be able to respond to those three words.
Them, it got complicated again.
I got the opportunity of a lifetime to work and study overseas, in Zurich. I'd be living there for about six years, with no way to come back home in the mean time. And, what's worse, my departure would be about three weeks before she comes back here. Again, I got scared. Six years change people. To my mind, she could easily forget about myself.
Six years is far too long.
Again, she showed me I was wrong. She says I should go, and that being afar won't change anything. She makes me promise I'll have internet, so we can still talk. She asks me to trust her. Says she'll wait.
And she says she trusts me. Once again, that changes everything.
So I finally decided to go. I don't need to choose between my love and my dream anymore. I can pursue my dream, since love I've already found.
And, while I'm there, the last news. My book is finally a reality, so I can at last discuss it here.
But, since I've wrote way too much for now, I'll leave that to you guys. Ask me whatever you want.

*Looks up.* :O

tl;dr
  • Listening to: Kings Of Convenience
  • Watching: the clouds through the window.
  • Eating: more than I should be.
  • Drinking: more than I should be.
This is the end...


Music. Poets Of The Fall ~ "Dreaming Wide Awake" <<<LINK, click it!

"Too late, the melody is over.
The joke seems to be on me
Cos I'm the one not laughing
Down here on the floor.

Deflate, the mystery of living
In the most heartless fashion
I could ever imagine.
No pretense of decor.

Another place and time, without a great divide,
And we could be flying deadly high.
I'll sell my soul to dream you wide awake.

Another place and time, without a warning sign,
And we could be dying, angel style.
I'll sell my soul to dream you wide awake.

I'll dream you... wide awake.

With me, disaster finds a playfield.
Love seems to draw dark,
Twisted pleasure tearing at me,
Cos I can't let you go.

Mercy, like water in a desert,
Shine through my memory
Like jewelry in the sun.
Where are you now?

Another place and time, without a great divide,
And we could be flying deadly high.
I'll sell my soul to dream you wide awake.

Another place and time, without a warning sign,
And we could be dying, angel style
I'll sell my soul to dream you wide awake.

I'll dream you... wide awake.

It's like I'm racing to the sun, blindly face the blazing gun,
Cos I'm afraid I will be left here without you.
Like I'm racing not to run, give more when I have none.
Cos I'm afraid I will be left here without you... wide awake

Another place and time, without a great divide,
And we could be flying deadly high.
I'll sell my soul to dream you wide awake.

Another place and time, without a warning sign,
And we could be dying, angel style.
I'll sell my soul to dream you wide awake.

I'll dream you... wide awake."





Dreaming is all I can do, now...
  • Listening to: Poets Of The Fall ~ &quot;Dreaming Wide Awake&quot
  • Reading: her lips telling me lies.
  • Watching: her leaving.
  • Eating: more than I should be.
  • Drinking: more than I should be.
Tagged by :icon24getmenot:
(Thank you...)

RULES!
1. Post these rules.
2. Each tagged person must post ten facts about themselves on their journal.
3. Choose ten friends and put their icon on the same page.
4. Go to their page and send a message saying you tagged them.
5. NO TAGBACKS!


-~-

1. I am asexual. People still doubt that, for some reason.
2. My mind does not "shut down" completely when I sleep. That's where all my dyssomnias come from.
3. I never trust someone completely. Never. I am well aware of how selfish and destructive human nature is.
4. Sometimes it amazes me how simple things get complicated around me.
5. I love to cook. I love the satisfaction and joy on the faces of those who are eating something tasty.
6. I used to have lots of dreams. Then I realized how silly they were.
7. I blame myself everytime I wake up for losing the girl I loved.
8. Everyday I need to remind myself why I keep waking up. The truth is that I've lost my will to live ages ago.
9. The thing I hate the most in the Universe is myself.
10. I'm in love with someone I can never have. And I'd be OK with that, if it was that simple...

-~-

There's no one left untagged. I tag :iconforeveraloneplz:. :lol:
  • Listening to: music I don't really enjoy.
  • Eating: more than I should be.
  • Drinking: more than I should be.
Hello again.
Tag. :iconoxidizing-angel:

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I have a series of symmetrical, self-inflicted and relatively recent scars I've made by driving a heated blade over the sides of my neck.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Webs.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
I grind my teeth. And I wake up. A lot.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
I love music. That's basically it.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
5:36 am.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To be somebody else.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
My old self.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
The last gift my first girlfriend gave me: A silver pendant shaped like an ankh.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'8"

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Not at all.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
That depends on where I am. But darkness itself doesn't bother me.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Myself. And the girl I'm in love with.

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Failure.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
That depends.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
I love to be spontaneous.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee!

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Ice cream.

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
RED.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
No. Are they tasty?

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
The silver "ankh" from my first girlfriend.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Well...

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I have no idea.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
7.

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
I like redheads.

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life." ~ Terry Pratchett.

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Mountains. Specially where it snows.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
For my whole life. I live in Brazil. ;P

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Everyone else.

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
A few.

37. FIRST JOB?
Baker apprentice.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yes.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
No.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Writing.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
Yes, but not aesthetic.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST
Usually, my writing.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
No.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Another year?

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
Two.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
The third Great Archangel, Raphael.

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Lack of curiosity, personality or sense of humor, mostly. But the worse is having to explain a joke.

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
Knowing my first girlfriend.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
Makes no difference.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Not at all. But people do.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I don't know.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Any good ones?

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
Not at all. Though I did feel jealous, two days ago.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
No. If I wasn't me, I wouldn't even want to meet me.

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
If you can convince an asexual to do something like that, sure.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
To me, not much. To society in general, no doubt it does.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
I break things, punch things, hurt myself, and stuff like that.

58. WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
Lose it.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
I didn't own any, since I was too busy working.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
On which one of them?

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
I didn't know what Barney was until I was a grown up.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Only if I'm awake.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Why should I choose one? Well, mashed potatoes, then.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Personality and sense of humor...

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Ineffable Paradox, Inefável, Paradoxo, Paradox, InDox, d0x, Rafa (only a few selected people call me that).

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
Pyrokinesis and electrokinesis. But my usual invisibility works as well.

68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Bored To Death, Dr. Who, Fringe... Depends on my mood.

69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
Manipulate them into doing what you want, thus killing each other. Then annihilate the survivors without getting your own hands dirty.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Mint chocolate chip!

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
Yes.

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
Yes.

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
I was suppose to have some party to go. But I'm not really in the mood for that.

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
Zurich.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I don't really care.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Paramore. Why? I have no idea.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Water. It's my favorite.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
The lead singer.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Hair. It's a bit inevitable.

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Make sure I don't have any.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
People.

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
Autumn/Winter.

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Dark chocolate.

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
I don't know.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Medium auburn.

86. EYE COLOR?
Depends on the way the light hits them.

87. SHOE SIZE?
11.5

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
I don't like fast food.

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
Quite a few. Depends on the type of cuisine.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Yes.

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
Almost never.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
November 25th.

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
Violin, piano, guitar, cello, and a few others.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Neither.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Neither.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
Chocolate. Not for me.

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
Sure.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Nothing at the moment.

100. RANDOM FACT TIME!
I have about 58 recurring OCs.
  • Listening to: music I don't really enjoy.
  • Watching: the sunrise.
  • Eating: more than I should be.
  • Drinking: more than I should be.
... First of all, I should apologize about my last entry. Really, there was no point in that.
But, of course, I thank all of you for helping me. Really.

On the other side, I was right. Sometimes people do need to make a fool of themselves to learn and grow.
This was my turn to do so, I guess. And, if I'm fast enough, I may be able to pursuit my dream, after all. This time, without any doubts.

Thanks, everyone.
  • Listening to: music I don't really enjoy.
  • Playing: with reality.
  • Eating: more than I should be.
  • Drinking: more than I should be.
Let's LABEL ourselves, shall we?

Stollen from :iconrandoven:

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO apparently, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a ditz.
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.
I'm BUDDHIST, so I MUST meditate all the time and act like a monkey.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE/N ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a "big one". (Well, part Italian, at least...)
I'm CHINESE, so I MUST say "aru" and look nerdy.
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER or ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm CZECH, so I MUST love beer and sausage and be stubborn.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm a SKATER so I MUST smoke weed and steal stuff.
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks.
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'M MIXED SO I MUST BE SCREWED UP!
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm WHITE born in a black area, so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm FRENCH, so I MUST smell horrible.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs/nuts.
I'm a METALHEAD so I MUST worship SATAN.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE, So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist.
I'm FRENCH so I MUST be snotty towards everyone, wear a striped sweater, and say "Oui, oui!".
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I MUST be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I MUST be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippie.
I CHAT ONLINE, so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN, so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.
I'm SWEDISH, so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IMMATURE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology, so I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I'm A WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick and I MUST worship the devil.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.
I'm SWEDISH, so I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I’m STRONG, so I MUST be stupid.
I'm AUSTRALIAN, so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I LOVE MARCHING BAND, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and/or SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I'M FRIENDS WITH A CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I CRY EASILY, so I MUST be a wimp.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST, so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life, so I MUST be having problems.
I like YAOI, so I MUST pair up every male anime/manga character I see.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.


So... Does that help? ;P
  • Reading: &quot;Angel's Tear&quot;
  • Drinking: water.
It seems like I still have some time before the end of 2010 to rejoice, after all.

After a long wait and quite some trouble, my book series will finally be published! :dance:
But I'll say no more just to leave people curious. ;P
  • Listening to: Yasunori Mitsuda ~ &quot;Radical Dreamers&quot;
  • Drinking: water.
I'd love to be able to destroy every single Christmas light in this damn city.
What the hell is so good about Christmas anyway?


Every time I look through the window, I feel angrier.


On other news, I'm so lame I'm currently still alive thanks to the fact my right arm still hasn't recovered its full mobility.
Stupid...
  • Listening to: Metric feat. Brie Larson ~ &quot;Black Sheep&quot;
  • Reading: &quot;St. Leibowitz And The Wild Horse Woman.&quot
  • Eating: not anymore.
  • Drinking: water.
Well...

Tag roubada descaradamente do Journal de minha estimada musa, :iconskategirl:.

-----100 Verdades -------------

001. Nome Real → Rafael de Oliveira Fernandes
002. Nickname(s)→ Ineffable Paradox, Paradoxo Inefável, Inefável, Adrian, WhoAmITryingToFool.
003. Signo → Áries.
004. Homem ou Mulher → Homem.
005. Maternal/Pré escola → Faz tempo..
006. Ensino Médio → Horrível.
007. Faculdade → Tentei algumas.
008. Cor dos cabelos → Castanho-avermelhado-claro.
009. Longos ou curtos → Ausentes. ^^;
010. Quieto ou Barulhento → Quieto.
011. Sweats ou Jeans → Jeans.
012. Telefone ou Camera → Nenhum dos dois. Mas tenho fobia de câmeras.
013. Perseguidor de saúde → Da saúde de outras pessoas, talvez.
014. Bebe ou fuma? → Nem um nem outro.
015. Você tem paixão por alguém ? Infelizmente, sim.
016. Comer ou beber → Água, apenas.
017. Piercing → Não faria sentido.
018. Tattoos → Já desenhei. Nunca fiz.

Você já esteve...?
019. Num avião → Sim.
020. Num relacionamento sério → Sim.
021. Num acidente de carro → Sim.
022. Numa briga → Sempre.


Primeiros...:
023. Primeiro piercing → Não existe.
024. Primeiro melhor amigo → ninazdesign
025. Primeiro Prêmio → Medalha de bronze na Maratona Infantil.
026. Primeiro Amor → Amor, mesmo? A primeira e última, minha falecida ex-namorada, Elianny.
027. Primeira vez → Melhor seria se nunca tivesse acontecido.
028. Primeiras grandes férias → Cruzeiro pelo Mediterrâneo.

Ultimas...:
029. Ultima pessoa com quem falou hoje → Uma amiga.
030. Última pessoa de quem cuidou → Ex-namorada. Depois de terminarmos. ^^;
031. Ultima pessoa com quem você assistiu um filme → Meus irmãos.
032. Última refeição → Uma barra de cereais. Ontem...
033. Último filme que viu → "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World"
034. Última música que escutou → Malika Ayane ~ "Contro Vento"
035. Última coisa que comprou → Um presente.
036. Última pessoa que abraçou → Foi há mais de dois meses.

Favoritos:
037. Comida → Boa.
038. Drinks → Água.
039. Roupas → Jeans, camiseta e sapato. Ou uma variação desse tema.
040. Livros → "O Nome do Vento", série Discworld, e uma miríade de outros.
041. Musica → Akira Yamaoka ~ "Room Of Angel" (Trilha sonora de "Silent Hill 4: The Room.")
042. Flores → Alcachofra. Mas, para fins meramente decorativos, orquídeas.
043. Cores → Vermelho. Virtualmente qualquer tom de vermelho.
044. Filmes → Depende do meu humor.
045. Posições → Em quê?
046. Matérias → A matéria em si.

Em 2009 eu....
047. [X] Beijei alguém sobre a neve
048. [X] Celebrei o Halloween
049. [X] Quebrei meu coração
050. [_] Perdi a noção do tempo no celular
051. [X] Alguém questionou sua orientação sexual
052. [_] Saiu do armário
053. [_] Engravidou alguém
054. [_] Pediu pra abortar
055. [X] Fez algo de que se arrependeu
056. [X] Quebrou uma promessa
057. [X] Escondeu um segredo
058. [_] Tentou ser feliz
059. [X] Conheceu alguém que mudou sua vida (Não para bem.)
060. [X] Ficou doente
061. [_] Deixou o país
062. [X] Tentou algo diferente e gostou
063. [X] Chorou por algo tolo
064. [X] Correu uma milha
065. [_] Foi pra praia com seus amigos
066. [_] Ficou solteiro por um ano

Atualmente...:
067. Comendo → Não.
068. Bebendo → Água.
069. O que estou fazendo → Escrevendo.
070. Escutando → Malika Ayane ~ "Come Foglie".
071. Planos pra hoje → Sobreviver e passar mais uma noite em claro.
072. Esperando por → Um fim.

Seu futuro:
073. Filhos? → Nenhum.
074. Casamento? → Não, obrigado.
075. Carreira → A mesma de atualmente, espero.
076. Lábios ou Olhos → Olhos.
077. Baixo ou Alto ? → Baixo.
078. Romantico ou espontâneo → Sei ser ambos, quando necessário.
079. Barriga bonita ou pernas bonitas? → Não costumo me atentar a isso.
080. Sensível ou mandao → Sensivel.
081. Sair ou relacionamento → Hum... Sozinho estou bem.
082. Maroto ou hesitante → O quê exatamente queres saber?

Você já...:
083. Perdeu os óculos ou lentes? → Algumas vezes.
084. Fugiu de casa → Sim.
086. Matou alguém → Indiretamente, sou culpado pela morte de alguém.
087. Quebrou o coração de alguém → Sim.
088. Foi preso → Não.
089. Chorou com a morte de alguém → Sim.

Você acredita em:
090. Você → Não. Eu me conheço demais para isso.
091. Milagres → Em parte.
092. Amor á primeira vista → Não.
093. Céu → No sentido religioso? Não.
094. Papai Noel → Nunca acreditei.
095. Sexo no primeiro encontro → Acredito que aconteça. Eu não faria.
096. Beijo no primeiro encontro → Sim.

RESPONDA VERDADEIRAMENTE:
097. Existe alguém com quem você gostaria de estar agora? → Sim e não.
098. Você está feliz com a sua vida neste momento? → Em parte, sim.
099. Você acredita em Deus → Não exatamente.
100. Poste as 100 verdades e tag 10 pessoas - Nem sequer conheço dez pessoas que falem português.
  • Listening to: Malika Ayane ~ &quot;Come Foglie&quot;.
  • Reading: &quot;St. Leibowitz And The Wild Horse Woman.&quot
  • Playing: my violin.
  • Eating: not anymore.
  • Drinking: water.
What the f**k is happening to me?
What the hell happened to that guy who was proud to have nobody around? And, to an extent, who felt safer that way?
What the hell happened to the emotionless face I had? Where is the mask I wore?
What it this fluid leaking from my eyelids as I type? Why am I crying?
Why do I feel so... Inappropriate? Insufficient?
Why does my reflection mocks me, shows me my weaknesses, highlights the crack in my mask.
Why am I ashamed? How could I not be ashamed?
Why am I still here? Where am I to go? What am I to do?
How can I feel so lonely now that there are people around?
How much must I change to become acceptable?
How much must I change to be worthy?
How can I become better, if everyday I get worse?
When did I become so needy? What am I doing to myself?
When have I lowered my defenses that much? When have I fallen so deeply?
When have I started caring so much about people? Why have I started to wish so badly that people would care too?
When did I lose? How did I fall? Why did I fail? What did I miss?
When? How? Why? What?

WHERE ARE THE ANSWERS?!
  • Reading: &quot;A Canticle For Leibowitz&quot;
  • Eating: not anymore.
  • Drinking: water.
So, I'm back home, though I'm still unable to use my right arm properly. Sucks to type with only one hand. I guess I should be thankful for functional ambidexterity after all.
Life goes on. So I stole a TAG from my best friend, miss :iconoxidizing-angel:. Took me almost two days to finish it. ^^;

Here it goes...

10 Favorites
• Favorite Color:
Red.
• Favorite Food: Italian. But it depends on my mood.
• Favorite Band: No way I could choose only one.
• Favorite Show: Dr. Who, Fringe, Bored to Death.
• Favorite Sport: Curling, Chess, Go, Swimming.
• Favorite Season: Winter.
• Favorite Day Of the Week: Wednesday!
• Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Mint chocolate chip.
• Favorite Time of Day: Right before dawn.
• Favorite Activities: Cooking.

9 Currents
• Current Mood:
A little better.
• Current Taste: Marinara sauce.
• Current Clothes: What I usually wear when I'm home.
• Current Finger/Toenail Color: Natural, I guess.
• Current Time: 11:51 pm.
• Current Surroundings: My room.
• Current Annoyance(s): Me. The whole of it.
• Current Thought: Quite a lot.

8 Firsts:
• First Best Friend:
ninazdesign
• First Crush: Ticiane, back in kindergarten.
• First Screen Name: You don't wanna know...
• First Piercing: None.
• First Thing You Did Today: Considering the "first thing" should mean "What were you doing at 12 am today", I have to say writting.
• First Thing You Ate: My mother's milk, I guess. Or do you mean today?
• First school you went to: No idea.

7 Lasts
• Last Food Consumption:
Lasagna alla calabrese. Was that yesterday?
• Last Car Ride: October 26th.
• Last Text Message Recieved: Advertising.
• Last Movie Seen: "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World".
• Last Item/s Bought: Clothes.
• Last CD Played: "Twilight Theater", by the Poets Of The Fall.
• Last Website You Were On: dA.

6 Have You Evers
• Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends:
Yes.
• Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yes.
• Have You Ever Been Arrested: No.
• Have You Ever Been on TV: Yes.
• Have You Ever Walked Into A Sliding Glass Door: Yes.
• Have You Ever Sat On The Roof: Yes.

5 Places You've Been To
USA;
Japan;
England;
Italy;
Germany.

4 Things
• You're Wearing:
Black pants, a plain white t-shirt, casts and glasses.
• You Did Last Night: Read, played videogames, sang and cried.
• What Can You Hear Right Now: The TV, and music.
• You Can't Live Without: Oxygen and water.

3 People You Can Tell Anything To
DOES
NOT
COMPUTE.

2 Choices
• Black or White:
Black.
• Hot or Cold: Cold.

1 Love
• Cooking.
  • Listening to: Poets Of The Fall ~ &quot;War&quot;
  • Reading: &quot;A Canticle For Leibowitz&quot;
  • Eating: not anymore.
  • Drinking: water.
I've been depressed for about seven months. Maybe more, considering it took me a while to comprehend it. I never show it, not until I can't stand it anymore. So no one realized I was depressed at all. Not until I cracked.
Then I'm called emo. Really, what the f**k?
Well, f**k it. Honestly, I don't care anymore. It won't happen again.

This music has been imprinted on my brain for so long I think it's not a bad idea to share.
Poets Of The Fall ~ "Change"  <<< LINK! CLICK IT!

"You say you feel a chill in the season
Like something is falling apart.
You say you can't hold it together much longer
And I should look after your heart.

But, I feel a change coming on,
Rolling out of the blue like a storm.
And it's bending your will like a willow tree twisting
Trying to regain its form.

How does it make you feel
When you remember the times
The two us lay here in the arms of the world
On the doorstep of heaven, shining down?

Do you feel a change coming on,
Rolling out of the blue like a storm?
And it's throwing your dollhouse world in disarray
So you can rebuild or conform.

How I wish you'd only see
How your own choices make your dream
Come out shining true before it can leave you.
I wish that you could see
How your own choices make your dream
Come out shining true all around you.

My worth is the look in your eyes,
My prize the smile playing tricks
On your lips and I wonder again
Do you ever dream of the world like I do?

I too fear the change coming on
Rolling out of the blue like a storm.
Can you hear it scream
At the hurt that I knew?

How I wish you'd only see
How your own choices make your dream
Come out shining true before it can leave you.
I wish that you could see
How your own choices make your dream
Come out shining true all around you.

What is this chill at my heel?
That makes the protections I've built
Around my pseudo world premiere,
Tearing my utopian fiction apart
As it happens to just pass along.

I feel a change coming on,
Rolling out of the blue like a storm,
Crashing against my delirious thoughts
Where humanity's waiting alone.

How I wish you'd only see
How your own choices make your dream
Come out shining true before it can leave you.
I wish that you could see
How your own choices make your dream
Come out shining true all around you."
  • Listening to: Poets Of The Fall ~ &quot;Change&quot;
  • Watching: life crumbling.
  • Eating: not anymore.
  • Drinking: water.
So, here I am again. And, since I really have nothing to say, this is what my first entry is:
A tag-game I stole from :icon24getmenot: and edited a little bit so it would work just as well in English. ^^;
But, since I was doing this while under the influence of sleep medication, it probably has a lot of mistakes.

Anyway, here goes nothing...

BASIC INFO...
Name:
Rafael Fernandes.
Nickname(s): Paradox.
Birthday: April 13th.
Occupation: Pastry Chef/Manager/Student.
Relationship Status: Dating.
Location: Brazil, unfortunately.
Do you have siblings? Two.
Do you have pets? Not anymore.
Do you smoke? Not anymore.
Do you drink? No.
Are you satisfied by your look? Not at all.
Do you have piercings? No.
Do you have a tattoo? No.
Do you wear braces? No.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE...
Color?
Red.
Number? 7
Animal? Birds of prey.
Flower? Bleeding-hearts, orchids or roses.
Food? Italian.
Dessert? Chocolate.
Ice Cream Flavor? Mint 'n Chip.
Alcoholic beverage? Wine.
Song at the moment? "You're Still Here", by Poets Of The Fall.
Song of all? I could only decide that after listening to all songs ever made.
Book? "The Kingkiller Chronicle, Day One: The Name Of The Wind", by Patrick Rothfuss.
Movie? Depends on my mood. Right now it'd be "Scott Pilgrim VS. The World".
TV show? "Fringe", "Dr. Who", "Hell's Kitchen". The list goes on and on.
Day of the week? Wednesday. Don't ask why.

LOVE LIFE...
Are you single?
No.
If not single: What's their name? Mônica.
If not single: How long have you been together? A little pass a year.
If single: Do you enjoy being single? -
Do you love anyone? Yes.
Who was your fist love? Ticiane, a girl from my class back in Elementary School. But my first real love was Elianny, my first girlfriend.
Do you believe in love at first sight? No.
Do you tend to take the initiative? No.
Do you intend to get married? Maybe.
Do you intend to have kids? Certain mistakes you only make once.
Are you open to sex before marriage? I'm not into sex at all.

RANDOM...
Best friend?
:iconoxidizing-angel:, though I'm not being really that good of a friend to anyone lately...
Can you drive? Yes.
Do you own a car? As a matter fact, I do.
Are you frequently online? Yes.
Do you own a collection? Yes. Lots of them, actually.
Do you like your own self? Not even a little.
Do you talk to yourself? Yes.
Do you regret anything? Yes.
Do you believe in the supernatural? Yes.
Do you believe in God or the Devil? In a way, yes.
Do you trust in people easily? No. Not at all.
Do you forgive easily? Forgive, yes. Forget, never.
Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes... As long as they're not talking to me.
What do you want the most before you die? I don't know. And I don't really care.
What's your biggest fear? Failure.
What's your worst weakness? People.
Can you play any musical instrument? Yes. Quite a few.

HAVE YOU EVER...
Sat on the rooftop?
Yes.
Danced in public? No.
Smiled for no reason? Yes.
Laughed so hard you cried? Yes.
Wrote a song? Lots of them.
Sang to someone? Yes.
Performed on stage? Yes.
Practiced any sort of sport? Yes.
Had a near-death experience? Yes.
Cheated? In a way, yes.
Been cheated? Yes. Lots of times.
Used someone? Yes.
Lied to a girlfriend/boyfriend? Yes.
Given/Received flowers? Yes.
Had a poem dedicated to you? Oddly, yes. ^^;
Cried over somebody from the opposite sex? Yes.

ARE YOU...
A fighter?
Yes. Sometimes, too much.
An assiduous smoker? Not at all.
Drunk? No way.
A lover? I don't know.
A heart-breaker? In a way, yes.
Bossy? No.
Friendly? No.
Polite? Yes.
A dreamer? Yes.
Shy? Yes.
Electric? No.
Happy? Not really.
Depressive? Yes.
Funny? Yes.
Annoying? Yes.
Evil? Yes.
Good? Sometimes. When I want to.
Trustworthy? No. No human is.
Intelligent? I like to think so.
Sarcastic? Oh, yes.
Serious? Yes.
Weird? Hell, yeah.
Modest? Not enough.
Unsure? Yes. Always.
Creative? Yes.
Lazy? Sometimes.
An optimist or a pessimist? Pessimist.
Curious? Yes.
Sincere? Yes.
Tolerant? Yes.
Reasonable? Yes.
Punctual? Not at all.
Satisfied with the amount of friends you have? No. There's too much of them.
Satisfied with your current monetary situation? Yes.
Satisfied with the things you own? In a way, yes.
Satisfied with your family? Yes, as long as they're away.
Doing your part to save the World? No.

MORE...
How do you feel?
Like I did yesterday.
What makes you happy? Snow.
Say something you do a lot: Thinking.
Who has the same birthday as you: Fortaleza.

FINISH THE SENTENCE...
I'd love to be
someone else.
I'd love to be able to fly.
I'd love a friend who I could program.
I'd love to feel what's like to be normal for one day.
I wish to be alone.
Many people don't know me.
I am despicable. Thanks for asking.
My heart is still beating.
  • Listening to: Poets Of The Fall ~ &quot;Psychosis&quot;
  • Reading: Neil Gaiman's &quot;Anansi Boys&quot;
  • Watching: the End coming. At last.
  • Playing: &quot;Star Wars: The Force Unleashed 2&quot;.
  • Eating: not anymore.
  • Drinking: water.